Do little things to make her less insecure. I suggest building some emotional distance. I'm head over heels for her, and she has reciprocated similar feelings. Talking about exes and past lovers may feel like a bag of bricks lifted off your back, but it may come back to haunt you again though your present lover. And, maybe, like lots of young people, she doesn’t have much going on, so talking about exes is the most interesting conversational approach she can conjure up. Because it still bothers him, and that's what worries you. If it comes up in conversation then okay. You might as well play back by being a bit more indifferent toward her. Just little references like that. Your relationship won't end up in marriage. My[33m] girl[33f] and I have been together for about 4 months. Need help with your relationship? It's not uncommon to want to talk about your ex, the relationship you shared, and how you felt when it ended, but how do you know when you're talking about your ex a little too much? For a lot of people, it's not that uncommon to think of an ex like an old friend you don't see anymore. The CW "Knowing why the past relationships failed is certainly important, but I don't care to hear any endearing or heartwarming memories of the good times with his exes. She sounds like she's focusing on the past too much instead of the here and now. Does your girlfriend? Would you say the same applies for women as well? I'm also friends with most of them and they all get along with my fiance. I didn't realize that when you start dating someone, that everything in your life prior to them concerning romance magically never happened. This could be positive or negative. I can’t be friends with my exes because the way they broke up with me was too bad.” —Chloe Moon Sometimes, we talk about our exes with a reason in mind. “Often talking to an ex will bring back some good feelings, but it also can stimulate the reason that the breakup happened in the first place,” he … Whether or not the breakup was your call, cutting a person out of your life—someone with whom you’ve shared secrets, dreams for the future, a bed, or … You can still have fond memories of your exes and bring them up occasionally, but be wary of spending too much time dwelling on the past, Young warns. It was a little unsettling to me and I let her know it was too much history for me. “I don’t think it can work unless the reason for the end of the relationship is that you two realized you are more friends than lovers. Excessive apologizing – Your ex apologizes a little too much, and when they don’t not get the response they hoped for, they stop contacting you, act out angrily or tell you to get over it already. But a recent Reddit thread asked men how often they talk to their exes, and their answers might work as some sort of guideline for you. It's one thing to have a conversation about exes but to always talk about them can be a sign she isn't over her previous relationship. Yeah, same here. There's only one ex he could actually see himself talking to. But I’d expect a partner to talk about their ex in the beginning, 6-9 months later and even during serious discussions about future plans because we tend to bring up what we know like. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. There is never a time for that, and the place is definitely not during a relationship. Press J to jump to the feed. Then it seems this type of discussion is rather normal which is a relief. Do you love any of your exes still? I am in her shoes - I sometimes bring up an ex if it's related to the conversation (e.g. But why do some girls always want to talk/mention exes? This will not be repeated. There's no reason to feel threatened. Straight From His Mouth: Four Reasons Exes Always Come Back. It wasn't until he told me that it bothered him that I even noticed I was doing it and I felt really bad! A divorced man may talk to you about his ex on the first date or call. I also had an ex (see what I did there?) I just think it's private and doesn't add anything except an opportunity to feel jealous or inadequate. This exactly. I don't really care to know anything about any exes, let alone specific details about them. But if you're out and about walking by a flower shop or something and they go "oh my ex's favorite flower was a rose!" Similarly, someone who puts all their time and effort into work will be coming home with a lot of "here's what happened at work " stories. Duh. Make her work harder for you. At the same time we are able to realize that some exes actually shape who we are in current relationships now. Why is there "no reason" to know about your SO's exes? Aside from simply talking about their exes in an unhealthy way, there are also some red flags to look out for that might mean your partner's past relationships were unhealthy in … Yes. If my girl keeps it up I will talk to her about it, but what do you say, Reddit? She's probably insecure. Depends on how he broaches the subject. Of course. If you ask, do you want to rent a house together? If she did would you be upset? But remember - actions speak louder than words. An ex is life experience to you. More details. My thoughts? Or even let them know how much it bothers you and your worries? All in all you need to talk to her to find out the exact reason. Now I know some of it is a test, to see if I show any jealous leanings. Press J to jump to the feed. She could be insensitive and doesn't realize how these statements affect you. We both know our exes are exes for good reasons. 4. Talking about yourself.Research shows that when we talk about ourselves, our brains release dopamine, the pleasure hormone, so we're immediately rewarded when we do so. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! Must he be an outdoors person? You used to have something, now you don't, but they were an important part of your life at the time and worth mentioning if it comes up. It's just that I really like this girl and want to make it work long term, so dealing with stupid feels like this are something I need to work on because in past relationships I've let stuff like this go, and it just builds inside until its intractable. This is a yellow flag. Of course he's going to talk to you about her; you're his girlfriend. There's a great scene in the movie Henry and June where June is having pillow talk with her lover, Henry, whom she is cheating on her husband Hugo with. No you're not being irrational. Early in a new relationship if someone goes on and on, in a positive, wistful way, or in a negative, bitter way it can be a red flag that-a) they aren’t over the person yet, or b) they are too immersed in the ‘baggage’ of the last relationship. I'll add that I don't get jealous easy - she's a big flirt, does it in front of me even, I give zero fucks. So, be it "work", "school", "when I was high", or "my ex", the crap we talk about day in and day out is what's important to us. I did ask a female friend her thoughts on this, and she said that she doesn't mention her exes either, and that my annoyance was well founded. If she flirts in front of you, and is always talking about ex'es, it is more about how she gets her validation in life--- attention from other men. He may bring up his ex who he rented with. It doesn't appear in any feeds, and anyone with a direct link to it will see a message like this one. Talking about her can easily become a way for him to compare you to her. Sometimes, if the pain is too much, it might take a while. For instance, he might say you’re so much nicer than her or he could say that he liked how she was the most carefree person he’s dated (hinting that … She sounds like she's focusing on the past too much instead of the here and now. We are in a great place in our relationship. A bad ex can give good insight on how to treat your significant other. She does this for the wrong reasons. Robert is the host of Guy’s Guy Radio, featured on Blog Talk Radio and available on iTunes, Stitcher, and TuneIn. She takes your feelings for granted. Ehhh honestly I get tired of hearing about ex's. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 2.5 License. I don't have a good gauge for this and to be honest any ex talk gets me suspicious thanks to my previous relationship. She not with her exes, she's with you. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. If he lacks conviction when talking to her it will show and it might only get worse. She could be insecure and projecting that insecurity by talking about how attractive she is to various people. That's a no no. I'm the one going home with her. Couldn't tell you WHY but it seems to be so. If the relationship ended on friendly terms, then they will. My SO and I are like this too and always have been. From my perspective if this is the real reason she could be trying to gauge your ability to be in a relationship based on your previous experience. Even if it doesn't, sometimes exes will reach out in order to manipulate you back, which f the … Thanks. The ‘apologies” are not really an apology. that used to do this too, but that was a pretty short term relationship so it never became a big issue, so I never dealt with it. If readers have other advice for this gentleman, then help a bro out. "Oh that was your ex you were talking about all this time?". In other words, no contact rule is having absolutely no form of contact with your ex … It depends on the situation. So...the first time I went to my boyfriend's apartment and saw a Dune book on the shelf, I don't know, it just kind of made me laugh. Just say you want her to focus on the two of you and not her broad experience with all the others. Cheating may be terrible, but hoo boy, it makes for a good story – and these stories of how people discovered their exes were cheating that went viral on Reddit are no exception. If it stays on the light side, nothing wrong with it, but it should not get vitriolic, then it’s no fun anymore. Cookies help us deliver our Services. Honestly it was just because my life experience involved my ex-relationships so I didn't think anything of it - just the same as if I was saying 'oh yeah my cousin had one of those'. It's one thing to have a conversation about exes but to always talk about them can be a sign she isn't over her previous relationship. So much so that the post below has received more attention than many others. He probably is still angry and wants you to know he was hurt, lost his money and dignity, or was cheated on. I guess it's because I was trying to get used to having a normal relationship when I had a bunch of crazy ex's and I didn't know how to handle it. Most people didn’t communicate with their ex too often, but a small subgroup—13 percent—had contact with exes several times a week. She advised me to make my feelings known. We're still at the beginning so I figure eh. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! To each their own, but if it's an issue with you then just ask them why they feel the need to bring up their ex? Most of my breakups were amicable and I think of them as friends. Why? I would personally, otherwise it will build and build untill we're having a nice meal somewhere and then i suddenly scream "STOP TALKING ABOUT YOUR FUCKING EXES, I DONT CARE!". Because she puts so much time and effort in her relationships with others, that's where the bulk of her memorable stories come from. If it’s too good to be true, see it it for what it is – too good to be true. But it is not. Such as things like: "Oh yeah, an ex of mine had one of those too" or "An ex always used to do (thing x) but I like that you don't" or "Huh, that guy looks like an ex of mine". This is an interesting thought. This is coming from a guy who NEVER mentions any ex, ever, if I'm not prodded to. She could be rebounding; especially if she talks about one ex in particular a lot. I don't mind right now. It hasn't been any massive red flags but if it starts finding its way into every conversation I'm going to have to ask about it. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, More posts from the relationship_advice community, Continue browsing in r/relationship_advice. Maybe even their exes, plural. No judgment of her history; just don’t want to have it be waived in our present. Girlfriend Talks Too Much About Her Exes. Theres no need to be talking about your ex that much. That’s normal. Who … Some people don't like being single. After only 4 months, I imagine you've made your way into a few stories she tells to other people, but obviously at 4 months exes can still be quite fresh in her mind. I agree pretty much with what you said. That's a big issue. Give her extra attention, tell her how beautiful she is, do small things for her. This is coming from a guy who NEVER mentions any ex, ever, if I'm not prodded to. That needs to be fixed asap. Or you can always try talking about your exes. Your ex is attempting to damage your children’s relationship with you, and their ability to think critically. I can’t be friends with my exes because the way they broke up with me was too bad. Yeah, some talk too much because they are still attached, some don’t talk at all about their ex if still in love, and some want to vent their anger. Need help with your relationship? The weekly podcast features interviews with relationship coaches, entertainers, authors, wellness experts, spiritual teachers, sports personalities, and a weekly “Guys’ Guy’s Guide” exploring current guy-focused topics. Obviously we can get into the Freudian stuff about how a person becomes this way, but I think that's another sub. Am I being irrational? It's like.. okay why tf did I need to know that and why tf are you thinking about an ex while we're holding hands walking down the sidewalk. If the ex was longer than 2+ years it could just be a big part of his life (like 5 year relationships could be your entire college experience). It might be in the wording - "my ex" stings more than "this guy I knew" or "a friend" because you are framing the subject as formerly on an equal level to your current SO. One Reddit user, LotusInBloom, had her ex on her mind and was wondering if maybe he had her on his mind, so she asked guys on Reddit how often they think about their exes.